losing yourself to find out who you are, i.e. just do it

This is a topic that I consider almost every day in every lesson with every student I encounter.

I spend a lot of time thinking about, and trying to navigate ways to get students to be less...um…self-centered. 

 It’s a tightrope. Because college is the space where students need to put themselves first: their practice, their studies, THEIR future.

And I have even written about the necessity of self-scrutiny (in the mirror, specifically).

However, there must be balance.

There must be a point at which the player (no matter the level) forgets about themselves, forgets about the embouchure, forgets about the tongue, the posture, the fingers, the wind and ONLY focuses on the outcome, or the product.

The sound.

We have to, as players, trust that the hours of daily fundamentals, drills, and foundations will support our musical self. 

Dare I repeat myself? ... the fundamentals are the basis of all. ALL.

You can’t build a house with solid integrity (cement, slab, joists, and all the other terms that I don’t know that give someone confidence that a house is structurally sound) but without a solid foundation.

Those building terms are the equivalent to air, embouchure, aperture, tongue placement, SOUND for the horn player.

It is upon these qualities that the most compelling musicality can be entrusted. 

When we don’t have those, we are timid, we miss more notes, we lack conviction. You may even have decent accuracy, I would posit, but if it doesn’t sound good then the outcome won’t be as good.

It would be like someone treading lightly across a floor that may cave at any moment.

But, I am getting off-topic a bit.

This is all to say, the fundamentals MUST be solid enough that you can ignore them and trust that your body knows what to do.

You must lose the SELF.

There are so many analogies, I don’t know where to start: the gymnast that will stick the landing because the muscles are so strong that they will support the body with grace, the tennis or basketball player displaying endurance to stay in constant motion while maintaining perfect geometric precision for the path of the ball before even making contact, the golf pro trusting the amazing synchronicity of arm, leg and abdominal muscles to deliver a tiny ball to a tiny hole hundreds of yards away with great accuracy.

These are all the equivalent to moments in music: power = Mahler or Strauss, and knowing my face can support the stamina needed to stick the landing; facilitating flexibility and endurance = any symphony by Brahms or Beethoven where long, luscious lines need the utmost care; and perfect accuracy = um...hello? Ravel’s  Pavanne? Stravinsky anyone? There are so many…

Do you really think that the 1st horn player staring down the high B natural in Firebird is thinking about their tongue, embouchure and aperture?  

“Oh, wait! Maestro!!  Let me just feel out the mouthpiece and maybe grab my pocket mirror to check out my mouthpiece placement..ok, now I’m ready. Let’s DO THIS!!”

Um…no. Don’t think so.

There are moments in sports, though, that do fascinate me on this concept.

The golf pro does take as much time as needed to line up the swing, the pro bowler that takes time to line up with the alley and angle, the archer who has perfected the draw.

I think the inhalation for the horn player is the lining up on all counts.  

As soon as the exhalation and buzz begin, the swing/ball/bow is in motion. You can’t take things back at that point. We don’t get the luxury of so much preparation before each note, or even every phrase.

For the energy of the event, I feel like horn playing is at times more relatable to basketball.

They’re both very physical, all of the players are reacting to everyone else, things have been practiced/rehearsed/drilled, but the moment itself is anyone’s guess (or we hope, NOT a guess).

The pros are so good because they’ve done the work and their body knows what to do (muscle memory!). The players aren’t concerned with hand placement, how to breathe, moving the ball – they just do it (haha, like my Nike reference? but it’s so relevant).

So, back to the thing I contemplate as a teacher: how to get my students to lose themselves or become less focused on themselves. 

I teach them the fundamentals.  But then, they must trust themselves. They have to just do it. How do I teach that?

I believe that I have to remove as many variables as possible and create an environment of success.  Think about trust.

What do you trust yourself to do?

I trust myself to do many things – usually because of repetition, knowing my body, and having instinctive behaviors created from experiences: walking, running, writing, driving. But when I began they were all baby steps.

This can be so for the horn student/teacher/player too.

 And, when I say remove variables, I mean: try one note phrases, try buzzing, try only slurring, try singing, try ANYTHING that you can grab onto that could be successful. 

If the student has trouble matching pitches on the mouthpiece, help the student trust themselves through something they CAN do. Once it’s a success, create repetition, and the end result will be the student not having to think about the thing, or how they got there.

Then add more things.

 The culmination of all of this is the performance. Any performance. LOTS of performing. Performing has to be practiced too.

Running drills all day won’t help the pro athlete get better at the game itself, just the skillset that will provide the strength/accuracy/endurance for the game.

No one wins in basketball practice, and I’m not speaking philosophically as in “everyone’s a winner” because if everyone wins, no one wins.

I mean, literally, games are won from playing the game. Are there perfect games? Probably.

I know there are pro bowlers that have perfect games. It’s just one person against the pins, like me giving a solo recital. Chamber or orchestral music is more similar to team sports perhaps.

Then it’s up to you to define “perfection” – that’s a whole separate topic to dive into. But in either case, performances are improved from performing.

There are no shortcuts.

Start small and work your way up.  Here are some ideas listed somewhat incrementally vested (the perceived stakes are higher as you go):

perform in every lesson,

perform in the practice room and record yourself,

perform at church,

perform for your friends and family at holidays,

perform in a nursing home or hospital,

perform outside somewhere,

perform in studio class,

perform on someone’s recital,

perform your own recital,

perform a mini recital every semester (don’t wait until THE degree recital to try a recital – no different than having the bowl game/Olympics/insert high-stakes moment be the first time doing the thing ),

take auditions as much as possible…

 *****

Performing is a great way to share what you love, but also is a great litmus test for fundamentals and to learn how well the self is able to disappear.

Was I as prepared as I thought I was? Did I know all of the notes/phrases/ideas/musical concepts, and did I communicate them? Did I have the stamina? How was my accuracy? What went well? What could have gone better?

Answer these questions honestly and you’ll be able to improve the next performance, just like sports teams that watch the game videos after the game to review.

Horn players are athletes after all.

And those great athletes always return to their fundamentals before the next game.

Now, just do it.