Do you live in your rearview mirror?

There are times when contemplating the past is helpful. I certainly do this. To learn from mistakes, to ponder regrets, to think about what I might have done differently...but really, how much will it matter? It can only matter to the present and the future. Right?

To really get the benefits of my reflection, I have to sit in it for a while, hold space for the past. If I’m actively doing anything then I can’t really be there for another thought, or think about past moments. I think true multitasking is a myth, although I try to outwit it every day.

This reminds me of driving a car.

The most convenient way to look back at what’s behind us is in the rear-view mirror. Though when we are actively moving forward, the most we can safely afford is a glimpse. In fact, I'd say it's actually responsible to have an awareness of what’s behind us.

But we can’t stop paying attention to what’s ahead of us —we’ll run into something or veer off the road.

Have you ever looked into the rear-view mirror because something flashed by, like a speed bump you didn’t see coming, and your gaze lingered probably longer than it should have? Like, where the heck did that come from?

These are the bumps that rattle the car so bad that you really hope that your suspension or your alignment isn’t ruined. Most times we keep going but look back in the mirror probably too long or too often because we want to know what we just rolled over.

If it was a huge pothole and you thought something was seriously damaged, you’d pull over…you’d make a hard stop and get out and look under your car. It's inconvenient to stop but something might be leaking or get worse if you don't stop and assess.

It’s amazing how this can apply to life.

Life in general. Life flies by. But huge things in my rear-view mirror – whether regrets or celebrations and milestones (see the irony of that word?) – they are best contemplated, for whatever purpose, from a hard stop. If my gaze lingers in the rear-view mirror while moving, I risk missing what could be coming. I’m not existing in the now. I would probably wreck or hit something. But that huge thing deserves a hard stop, so I need to make it.

but this is a horn blog by the way… so

I would be remiss to not share how this relates to horn playing for me. I have been teaching a lot of sight reading to my students this semester and the analogy I use is this same one. Sight reading is when you have a short amount of time to look at the landscape of a piece of music, sometimes just 30 seconds to prep before playing it as accurately as possible in a single timed attempt. This is often required in various auditions.

There is definitely strategy that helps, similar to driving: look at the big markers (street signs) like key signature, time signature, dynamics…look at the landscape of the music to see where it goes structurally (like a map). Find your tempo (know the speed limit). Play the right notes, use dynamics and make a musical statement (don’t miss turns and stay in your lane). Look for accidentals and musical anomalies (watch out for speed bumps and potholes).

One challenge in sight reading is to not focus on a mistake. It’s too late after all, it’s in the rear-view mirror. You can make a hard stop or keep driving with your gaze lingering too long in what already took place. Either way, you’ll miss what’s next. And time will be moving ahead without you.

Just like sight reading, driving and life, glimpses in the past can be really helpful as long as our gaze doesn’t linger. There will be many more opportunities to make a different choice.

It all takes practice – sight reading, driving, life.

Hard-stopping and staring at what's already gone by doesn't change that it happened. If it was significant, maybe a hard stop is best to regroup, but stay conscious that time is not waiting for you. That moment is gone.

Does anyone else feel like the last couple years of our lives was one huge speed bump or major pothole?

I know the under carriage of my personal car got scraped. My alignment got way off. I haven’t looked in the rear-view mirror because in my car, it’s dark out. I can’t see what just happened anyway…in fact, I’m not even sure what I just ran over. I don't want to look back. I could make a hard stop, and have actually. But it's dark out and I can't find what it was anyway.

I can’t see the landscape and I lost my map.

The only way to look now IS straight ahead and just keep driving. In fact, this rough road is still rough…

I'm going to slow down, look for all of the signs that I can see as they come, and keep my eyes on the road. I know that I can make a hard stop if it gets to rough...take a moment to regroup…to think about where I’m going and what I'm doing. Time will keep going…I may not get there as fast but I'll still get there…so I'll keep going too.